tired, burnt, and my body is worn. heck, now most of us can't even walk properly... well, that only applies to those that took it seriously...
bubble jets are dangerous and fun. danger is fun, isn't it?
should i call? or wait till everything is over before realizing i've missed my opportunity again?
ah well, doesn't hurt to be cryptic.
training and torture both starts with T. And it all boils down to the perspective of the one participating.
Just finished my weekend shift, this could be the last time i'm covering the weekends already. Managed to accumulate enough off days, or so i think... The rest will have to be on my leave days... Finally able to stop hogging all the off days, and let my understudies do their share.
and i thought NS was tough... take a look at those shaolin monks, its all voluntary... maybe having a choice has a part to play i guess... not being something that we dread probably has emphasis of the amount of effort input.
bliss or temporary distraction?
lets see how this unfolds.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Wishful Thinking
Just finished my weekend shift, this could be the last time i'm covering the weekends already. Managed to accumulate enough off days, or so i think... The rest will have to be on my leave days... Finally able to stop hogging all the off days, and let my understudies do their share.
A colleage mentioned to me that we might not be able to go overseas if the DORSCON goes up... And as most of up know, the flu season is hitting us, the people in Singapore pretty soon. It seems to have already started, but is expected to go full blown around July to September... Man... It would really sucked if my parents came back to Singapore for my birthday and the alert level is at a high... Ah well, maybe my brother would be more free then. Haha. Schools will only be officially closed when the alert level turns black. Long way to that and it will be a tad to drastic to be that pessimistic.
Only after my recent incident that i realised that blogging could be viewed so seriously. In fact, now i have completely no idea of what should and should not be blogged. All the guidelines and advice given are generally along the direction of me to completely stop blogging.
At the beginning, i was afraid. I didn't really know what i did wrong, however, i was really sure i didn't release any sensitive information but that being said, reading through my blog i couldn't really pinpoint out what was sensitive or not...
Next, i got annoyed, wondering, why me? Then, i was still pretty confident that i didn't do anything wrong. And there were so many blogs out there that in a certain way were much worse off compared to mine, or you could say, better, they were loaded with all the juicy details that we were all specifically told never to mention. Then it striked me, none of these writers had an identity on their blog, they were just those faceless writers posting anonymously. In other words, my sense of identity had gotten me into a pile of steaming crap. I wouldn't call it trouble yet though, more of an inconvenience to the people around me.
Following that, i had set my mind to coming up with a disclaimer that had every legal aspect covered. I was half way there with nearly half a page of the said jargon splattered accoss. Then i wasn't so sure of how this would apply to me and people like me in this line of work, and there was absolutly no one i could ask without raising some eyebrows of people you'd never want to be inquisitive. I promptly gave that up... And recently, an friend, offered to host my blog on a private web server despite the recent complication, assuring me that i could obtain complete anonymity.
I still liked my identity and just couldn't agree to drop it. I declined and both solutions went down the drain. Being back to square one i've decided to just type what i usually do but instead of posting it out for the world to see, i'm gonna save it some deep dark corner till the world's in need of my dreadfully boring story, to publish it and pay people to read it. Haha.
This place used to be my outlet for my general feelings, someplace where i can let my emotions out, and over time, look back and laugh about it. I guess i can't do that anymore because the only thing i do is go to work day in and out, and it is just simply inappropriate for me to write about it. Being happy and unhappy about your working environment is part and parcel of everyone's life. If i can't write it out for the whole world to see, and the proper channels don't always give positive results. Keeping it in would most probably result in someone going completely "postal" at their work place, as seen, it has happened before.
Those in our line just have to come to terms with the fact that no matter how flawless our system is, there will always be favortism and bias-ness, in every organisation that involves humans...
Wrote this at wisma's starbucks.
Looks like me be heading back now...
A colleage mentioned to me that we might not be able to go overseas if the DORSCON goes up... And as most of up know, the flu season is hitting us, the people in Singapore pretty soon. It seems to have already started, but is expected to go full blown around July to September... Man... It would really sucked if my parents came back to Singapore for my birthday and the alert level is at a high... Ah well, maybe my brother would be more free then. Haha. Schools will only be officially closed when the alert level turns black. Long way to that and it will be a tad to drastic to be that pessimistic.
Only after my recent incident that i realised that blogging could be viewed so seriously. In fact, now i have completely no idea of what should and should not be blogged. All the guidelines and advice given are generally along the direction of me to completely stop blogging.
At the beginning, i was afraid. I didn't really know what i did wrong, however, i was really sure i didn't release any sensitive information but that being said, reading through my blog i couldn't really pinpoint out what was sensitive or not...
Next, i got annoyed, wondering, why me? Then, i was still pretty confident that i didn't do anything wrong. And there were so many blogs out there that in a certain way were much worse off compared to mine, or you could say, better, they were loaded with all the juicy details that we were all specifically told never to mention. Then it striked me, none of these writers had an identity on their blog, they were just those faceless writers posting anonymously. In other words, my sense of identity had gotten me into a pile of steaming crap. I wouldn't call it trouble yet though, more of an inconvenience to the people around me.
Following that, i had set my mind to coming up with a disclaimer that had every legal aspect covered. I was half way there with nearly half a page of the said jargon splattered accoss. Then i wasn't so sure of how this would apply to me and people like me in this line of work, and there was absolutly no one i could ask without raising some eyebrows of people you'd never want to be inquisitive. I promptly gave that up... And recently, an friend, offered to host my blog on a private web server despite the recent complication, assuring me that i could obtain complete anonymity.
I still liked my identity and just couldn't agree to drop it. I declined and both solutions went down the drain. Being back to square one i've decided to just type what i usually do but instead of posting it out for the world to see, i'm gonna save it some deep dark corner till the world's in need of my dreadfully boring story, to publish it and pay people to read it. Haha.
This place used to be my outlet for my general feelings, someplace where i can let my emotions out, and over time, look back and laugh about it. I guess i can't do that anymore because the only thing i do is go to work day in and out, and it is just simply inappropriate for me to write about it. Being happy and unhappy about your working environment is part and parcel of everyone's life. If i can't write it out for the whole world to see, and the proper channels don't always give positive results. Keeping it in would most probably result in someone going completely "postal" at their work place, as seen, it has happened before.
Those in our line just have to come to terms with the fact that no matter how flawless our system is, there will always be favortism and bias-ness, in every organisation that involves humans...
Wrote this at wisma's starbucks.
Looks like me be heading back now...
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Sometimes...
Sometimes the simplest of things just fail to work for you.
I felt shitty so i drank, but i still felt shitty, so i stopped drinking...
Hey hey! I still feel shitty.
I felt shitty so i drank, but i still felt shitty, so i stopped drinking...
Hey hey! I still feel shitty.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Rolling Thunder
Funny yea, its been so many years, yet going to bukit batok again today still makes me think back. Seems like something is still missing and deep down that weird achey feeling.
It was a hellishly scary day for me today, completely reminding me of when i was interrogated at cantoment. The closed walls, the sole table in the middle, the lone few chairs that awkwardly stand out around, suddenly made me feel so terribly small and insignificant...
Well, on the bright side, i got caught in a massive thunderstorm while on the back of a pickup cruising along the expressway. Call it therapy, the wind screaming in my ear and the cold hard drops of rain pelting down on me, for that good 30 minutes, i was lost in my own world. However, soon we passed the storm cloud, and the cool wind dried me off before the baking sun warmed up to me. Beautiful, if only i had a camera to capture that every moment...
I missed those days when nothing ever mattered, and doing as i pleased wasn't counted as reckless abandon, it was just me being different, being me. The me that was unique, just like everyone else and most importantly, one who didn't have a care in the world. Its too bad we all have to give that up some day for something called responsibilty, its supposed to be worth it all, but why do i not see it?... =/
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Satirical Reflections
"For everyone is tired and yearns for a hug in the arms of a loved one, to seek solace in the warmth and comfort of someone of a significant other which we can trust and love and be reciprocated. But, who are we to say and believe? Life is tough, Love just doesn't make it any easier eh?"
Had to close my blog down for a few days as i found out that i was posting some inappropriate and possibly inaccurate information. All the relevant posts are now removed and i am now drafting out a terms and conditions page, making sure in the event that any incident does happen again, i would not be liable.
However, while saying that, i have come to realize that small actions and words still do and will always carry a lot of weight when they are carelessly and brashly thrown around.
After this incident, i have grown a tad smarter, and will perhaps put this new-found benefit to a much better personal gain. Though, i wouldn't exactly say that this is an apology, it is more like a sensible but untimely withdrawal from the way i use to blog, into a more cryptic and dark style.
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